The Spy Who Came In From The Slots, Or, Why Ex-Spy NIMBYs Are Freaking About A Proposed Casino
A bunch of former spies say a casino in Tysons, Virginia is a security risk, but maybe it’s just a ‘risk’ to their suburb?
3 min
I love this story: More than 100 former spies and intelligence officers wrote a letter to Virginia Gov. Glenn Youngkin and members of the Virginia General Assembly, urging them to not allow a proposed casino to be built in Tysons.
Why? In the interest of national security.
According to the spooks, having a casino so close to the heart of the CIA, Pentagon, and all the other D.C. intelligence apparatus would be dangerous, as foreign adversaries could potentially exploit government employees who may develop a gambling problem.
This is NIMBY meets RG meets spycraft. And I wish John Le Carre thought of it first.
In the letter, the former spies note Russia banned casinos and China doesn’t have casinos outside of Hong Kong and Macau, because they “apparently recognize these problems.” They note “casinos already have become major targets of hackers.” They note that in addition to attracting “adversarial intelligence services looking to recruit those with such access whom they hope to blackmail,” casinos also attract — paging Las Vegas, 1946-1981 or so — “organized crime.”
Well … I call BS.
Mostly because there’s already a casino, the MGM National Harbor Hotel & Casino, 11 miles from the Pentagon (Tysons is 13 miles away). And — while my government clearance only goes as high as “still allowed in my town’s municipal building despite once yelling at a locked tax collector’s office door, but in my defense, why the hell would they be closed at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday?” — it would appear to me that we haven’t slipped into a World War III scenario due to Natalya managing to dupe Billy Ray, a divorced accountant from the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, into giving her access to classified files because he’s down $600 at baccarat at MGM National Harbor.
Nope. I think these former spies and intelligence officers don’t want a casino in their quiet suburban area because … they don’t want a casino in their quiet suburban area.
NIMBYs unite!
To be clear, Tysons is not some far-flung outpost. According to the 2020 U.S. Census, this little hamlet has an average household income of over $155,000. Over 80% of the adult population has a bachelor’s degree or higher.
These are textbook NIMBYs.
And — as a fellow NIMBY myself — I can hardly blame them for not wanting a casino in their neck of the woods.
Granted, I don’t live in a neighborhood populated by spies and spooks; it’s more cul-de-sacs and Costco runs than covert operations. But the instinct is the same: Keep things as they are, keep the newcomers at bay, and for the love of all that is holy, keep the traffic down.
Of course, the secrets that would spill in my town’s casino wouldn’t be of national security concerns. They could potentially, however, start a few wars …
“I call,” says Barbara from the PTA, three vodka sodas deep at the $1-$2 hold’em table. “And another thing -— you know that award-winning tomato garden Susan won’t shut up about? Miracle-Gro. All of it. She doesn’t even weed … ”
At the roulette wheel, Dave from the HOA board finally cracks after losing his seventh straight bet: “OK, fine. You want to know the truth? You think you can handle it? Here goes: I’m the one who approved my own shed height variance in 2019. And you know what? I’d do it again … “
“That book club?” Linda says, at the video poker terminal. “They’re not reading anything. They just drink wine and complain about the crossing guard’s attitude. Believe me, I used to be part of it. I once convinced everyone there was a vampire in The Great Gatsby … ”
I mean, sure, I get it. You can see the issue with a casino in the heart of suburbia. The entire social compact could crack.
But would China end up turning us into a colony due to some intelligence officer losing his shirt playing Piggy Bankin’? I don’t think so.
For the record, the Virginia Senate Finance and Appropriations Committee sent the casino bill to the full Virginia senate for a vote on Tuesday. If it passes, residents in Fairfax County, where Tysons is located, will be able to vote on the idea.
Mr. Le Carre, please, take it away …
The baccarat table was crowded, but only one man mattered. He wore a navy suit that didn’t quite fit, sweated like a dockworker, and had just pushed his Pentagon keycard across the felt like it was a stack of chips. Across the room, a woman in a red dress sipped her martini, watching. She tapped her earpiece and whispered, “We’ve got one … “
